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I shot a moose, once. I was hunting up -state New York, and I shot a moose, and I strap him on to the fender of my car.
曾打到过一头驼鹿。我到纽约的西北边狩猎，我打到了一头驼鹿。我把他捆在我车子的前杠上。
And I'm driving home along the west side highway, but what I didn't realize was, that the bullet did not penetrate the moose.
我沿着西边公路驱车回家。但是我当时没意识到子弹并没有穿透这头驼鹿。
It just creased the scalp, knocking him unconscious.
它只是擦了一下头皮，把它弄昏过去了。
And I'm driving through the Holland tunnel - the moose woke up.
在我开车通过“荷兰隧道”时，驼鹿醒了过来。
So I'm driving with a live moose on my fender. The moose is signaling for a turn, you know.
所以我正开着车，前杠上驮着一头活着的驼鹿。这驼鹿还会打出转弯的手势。
There's a law in New York State against driving with a conscious moose on your fender, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.
纽约州有一条法律：在星期二、星期四和星期六，你开车时前杠上驮着一头有知觉的驼鹿是违法的。
And I'm very panicky, and then it hits me: some friends of mine is having a costume party.
因此我感到特别紧张，可我突然想起来：我有几个朋友正在举办化装舞会。
I'll go, I'll take the moose, I'll ditch him at the party. It wouldn't be my responsibility.
我这就过去。我要带上驼鹿一块去，然后在舞会上把他甩掉，那样就不是我的责任了。
So I drive up to the party and I knock on the door.
于是我开车来到舞会地点，敲响了房门。
The moose is next to me. My host comes to the door. I say "Hello. You know the Solomons".
驼鹿就站在我旁边。舞会的主人过来开门，我说：“你好啊。你应该认识所罗门吧。”
We enter. The moose mingles. Did very well. Scored.
我们进了屋，驼鹿马上混入了来宾当中。干得不错，有本事。
Two guys were trying to sell him insurance for an hour and a half.
有两个家伙甚至向它推销了一个半小时的保险。
Twelve o'clock comes - they give out prices for the best costume of the night.
午夜十二点，到了颁发当晚最佳服装奖的时候了。
First price goes to the Burcowiche's, a married couple dressed as a moose.
第一名颁给了伯科维奇夫妇，他们夫妻两个化装成一头驼鹿。
The moose comes in second. The moose is furious.
驼鹿只拿到第二名。驼鹿怒不可遏。
He and the Burcowiches lock antlers in the living room. They knock each other unconscious.
它在客厅里拿鹿角和伯科维奇展开了角斗。他们把对方都打昏在地。
Now, I figured, is my chance. I grab the moose, strap him onto my fender, and shoot back to the roads, but I got the Burcowiches.
现在，我想正好给了我一个机会。我抓过驼鹿，又把它捆到我车子的前杠上，然后我飞速上路。但是我捆的是伯科维奇。
So I'm driving along with two jewish people on my fender, and there's a law in New York State...Tuesdays, Thursdays and especially Saturday.
因此我正开着车，前杠上驮着两个犹太人。纽约州有一条法律：在星期二、星期四、特别是星期六。
The following morning the Burcowiches wake up in the woods, in a moose suit.
第二天早上，伯科维奇夫妇在林子里苏醒了过来，仍穿着驼鹿装。
Mr. Burcowich is shot, stuffed and mounted-at the New York Athletic Club, and the joke is on them, because it's restricted.
伯科维奇先生被射杀、被填料、被做成标本放到了“纽约运动俱乐部”【1】。好笑的地方在于，这是个严格限制会员的俱乐部。【2】
